What's Up

       Every time I go for a drive, I see several cars with rainbow or pink triangle stickers on them. I see lots of rainbow flags flying from front porches all over the place. That always makes me smile. Finally people are realizing that it's OK to be gay and to proclaim that fact to the rest of the world. You might say that these rainbows and triangles are marks only known to other gay people. For the most part, I think that's true. (You can be sure that our biggest opponents know what that are.) Fortunately, it seems to be having a snowball effect. The more that are out there, the more people are inspired to fly their own colors. When people display an icon that clearly designates them as different and a member of our sexual minority we begin to achieve social countability That is a HUGE step in the right direction.

       Even though many people believe that they were born gay, there is no physical mark of difference that would identify this fact. Most people don't come to realize that they are gay until sometime during or after puberty. And even then, it is entirely up to that person to accept this fact. All of us have our own course to chart in life; choosing between situations that feel right, natural and exhilarating or those that would seem to be more socially acceptable. The most torrent battles for gay rights and personal identity are fought one against the world, completely internalized inside of every one of us individually. The pleasure principal, the idea that humans seek pleasure and avoid pain, has a very unique meaning for a gay person.

       I was harassed terribly when I was in high school. I was often called a fag right in front the faculty. I'm sure many of the adults brushed it off as just kids being kids and that "fag" was just a word like "jerk", but I'm just as sure that some of the teachers knew full well the depth of the meaning of the word "fag". I was witness to a lot of homophobia and gay bashing there. Some of the teachers were right in there with the same attitudes as the students. In an environment like that, all I wanted was to be invisible. I had very few close friends. As a result, I feel I missed out on some very important socialization skills and picked up on an entirely different lesson; one that has inhibited me ever since, low self esteem. Ironically, this is what I think people pick up on more than any other aspect of my being gay. I have been asked to leave or have had to quit from a few of jobs, not because I didn't perform well, but because I didn't fit in with the other employees. That is part of what has led me here; sharing a gay business with my partner Terry.