What's Up

       As a gay person, having been the object of a lot of harassment in my earlier years, I have obviously become super sensitized; perhaps even to the point of being paranoid. I became all too aware of my blunder as a result of a conversation that I had in just the past few days. There is a very nice lady that Extra Stimulus Inc. has some business dealings with. We were talking about inspirational, creative writing. I only know her on a casual, business level, and though I liked her immediately, we had never really had any in-depth discussions before.

       As a representative of a gay owned media production company, I always present myself as openly gay. She has always been so at-ease with my demeanor that I made an incorrect assumption. It's embarrassing for me to say this, but I thought she must be gay also. I guess you could say that I led my end of our conversation from the point of view that this was, in fact, the case. She went right along with it, and offered no objection. Finally, I thought to myself, I really hadn't had any confirmation that my supposition was true. So, I paused and said, "This is kind of a personal question, but I don't know the answer, so I'll just ask you. Are you gay?" "No", she said quite calmly.

       She went on to say the she didn't see why it was such a big deal. "It's just people loving people. The world needs more of that." "Well what do you think about homophobia?" I asked. "That's just stupid", she said. "Someone asked me once who my lesbian friends are, and I honestly could not answer. I don't categorize people that way. My friends are just my friends."

       I know from first-hand experience that some straight people will not willingly associate with gay people for fear of others thinking that they might be gay too. I am a musician and I'm pretty well respected within certain local music circles. I came out to another musician at a straight bar a while ago and he told me, flat out, that knowing that, he was uncomfortable talking to me because I might inhibit his chances of picking up chicks. What a dork! Doesn't he know that most chicks dig gay guys anyway? My friend obviously does not suffer from this misconception, even though, in some cases, it's true. Apparently, it happens on both sides of the fence. Straight people who don't like gays do it and gay people (like me) do it too.

       She was totally cool about the whole thing. She didn't react to my mistake at all. I guess I shouldn't be so worried about it. It's as though assuming that someone is gay is, in some way, an insult to that person. That is a perfect example of internalized homophobia on my part. I've got to get over that. She must have some great personal relationships with gay people because she seems to know the vernacular like a second nature (hence my assumption). The only thing about gay culture she doesn't exemplify is the understanding of homophobia and gay self-shame. I guess that's just not part of her way of thinking.